When Leading Requires Leaving This idea keeps resurfacing with clients. Maybe you’re wrestling with it as well. We talk a lot about servant leadership. It’s often described as the gold standard: A leader creates an environment where people can develop, contribute meaningfully, and thrive. The success of the team becomes the leader’s primary measure of success. It’s a noble aspiration. But there’s a question we rarely ask. At what cost? Where, in this model, do we acknowledge the leader’s own...
10 days ago • 1 min read
Why Leaders Hide Behind Equality Last week’s writing on equity and equality had the highest read rate I’ve ever had. Clearly, the idea struck a nerve. So let’s go deeper. Understanding equity intellectually is one thing. Practicing it as a leader is something entirely different. Equality feels safe. It avoids nuanced conversations.It is efficient.And for some leaders it feels less risky or potentially litigious. I agree. It does all of those things. It also quietly creates mediocrity,...
15 days ago • 2 min read
Equality Is Comfortable. Equity Is Leadership. It is easy to get confused… Let's break this down. As I look back on elementary school, I remember how much emphasis was placed on equality. We were all expected to do the same thing, whether or not it excited us, worked to our strengths, or brought us joy. I can still picture our class running around the track together. Some of us were leaping like gazelles, others sucking air with every step. It was equal.Everyone ran two laps. But it wasn’t...
23 days ago • 2 min read
When we travel, we pack with intention.We consider the destination. The climate. The version of ourselves we want to show up as. A parka doesn’t belong in Hawaii. And yet… In our lives, we carry everything only adding more as time goes on. Old disappointments.Outdated rules.Protective patterns that once kept us safe.Beliefs formed in boardrooms we no longer sit in. We drag them into new seasons and wonder why they feel heavy. The experiences that shaped you matter. They built your resilience....
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Me: “Mmmm, maybe we should transplant this lavender over to the larger garden…” Thirty minutes later… Me: “WHAT did you just do?”Husband: “I transplanted it like you said.”Me: “I didn’t say to transplant it. I was just thinking about transplanting." I walk away.He stands bewildered. The famous disconnect. We’ve all done it. What feels like casual ideation to you can land as instruction to someone else. Especially when there’s a power imbalance. (Yes, I am the boss!) A leader shares an...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
For women to internalize and for men to recognize: As much as we try to deny it, most of us carry an unconscious tension around gender — who we believe we should be, how we expect to be treated, and the quiet stories we tell ourselves about why things did or didn’t happen. These stories can become mental quicksand. You can spend years dissecting every nuance of others’ behavior… or you can shift your focus to your inherent power. We cannot control others — nor should we exhaust ourselves...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
I recently read a version of this and couldn't resist sharing it with you… People will treat you based on what you consistently tolerate.They don’t guess your standards — they experience them. What you allow once can quietly become permission.What you repeatedly excuse can slowly become the pattern. And yet… this isn’t about blame. It’s about agency. We are shaped by our environments — but also by the choices we make every day.I often say we are responsible for at least 10% of every...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
When “No” Becomes a Negotiation This past weekend, a dream came true. I taught the first—of what I hope will be many—self-defense classes for high school girls. While preparing, I came across a quote that landed hard: “When a man says ‘No,’ it’s the end of the conversation.When a woman says ‘No,’ it’s the beginning of a negotiation.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Because that same dynamic shows up every day in the workplace. We spend an extraordinary amount of time navigating...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
“Fear is the most expensive leadership strategy we never budget for.” While not captured on a P&L, the loss is real. More than $1 billion dollars is lost each year to fear-based leadership—through disengagement, burnout, turnover, and rumination. One of the biggest culprits? Unconscious cognitive load. There’s a scientific term for this: Perseverative Cognition—the repetitive mental replaying of worries, assumptions, stories, and imagined futures.Not the event itself, but the thinking about...
2 months ago • 1 min read